Seeing that the February 5th primary in California will actually matter for the first time in way too many election cycles, presidential candidates and their supporters are out stumping at key Bay Area cornerstones. Or, should I say that they're actually paying attention to us, the Left Coasties, because maybe JUST MAYBE our votes are finally going to count for something? (For instance, Chelsea returns to her alma mater, but pisses people off by making herself available only to lucky Greeks. In the hopes of being granted Chelsea face-time, some of her disappointed fans even missed out on Lake Tahoe ski trips -- oh noes!)

As a result of our becoming the girl who is suddenly hot when she takes off her glasses and lets her hair hang down, California's eating establishments have now become ripe targets for candidate glad-handing. The trite salt-of-the-earth diner has long been the choice site for retail politicking in down-home places like Iowa and New Hampshire, but it's a bit weird to think of our favorite hot spots being used for the same purpose.

For instance, just this past week, Bill Clinton was in Oakland and made national "news" because of a pointed exchange he had with ABC7's Mark Matthews. The locale? None other than Everett & Jones barbeque, where he also held a roundtable discussion, plumping up his wife's campaign while he plumped up his waistline with E&J's succulent ribs. How true to both his SNL persona and his storied connections with the African-American community for him to choose that particular location for a photo-op.

Matier and Ross also reminded us this week about the California Dem vote being split between the beer-drinkers and the wine and cheese crowd. As they report it, Hillary has the ear of the blue-collar beer drinkers (mostly downstate, they note), while Obama wraps up the liberal wine-and-cheesers.

This got me thinking, does this mean Barack Obama needs to go to The French Laundry to answer Clinton in kind? Or better yet, given his now-infamous 2007 arugula remark in Iowa, he could set up camp at the Ferry Building -- where everyone will always know the price of arugula.

But hey, what does all this mean for Bay Area beer-drinkers? See, we're a rarified lot up here, where many of us treat our beer like wine. This the crowd that goes to Suppenküche, Toranado, and Magnolia, tracking down hard-to-find Belgians, doppelbocks, and specialized microbrews. Clinton's beer is not that kind of beer. No, Clinton beer is mass-produced, domestic (preferably light) beer. And you know? There's not a whole lot of that in the Bay Area -- home of the micro/local everything.

So, if Hillary's going to find her constituency at a Bay Area noshery or watering hole, she's going to have to look beyond the beer-swillers.

She could go where Bill goes, but I don't see her pushing up her suit sleeves to chow down at Everett & Jones without him; it seems slightly outside of her comfort zone. No, I really see her at A16. Yes, I see Hillary in the Marina, I see her at a place that's a focal point for that not-too-young, not-too-edgy monied crowd. It's a popular place, it's a respected place, and it doesn't take chances.

Naturally, my mind started meandering around the city, trying to match candidate with eatery.

Barack would go to Delfina, because he'd feel the need to answer Hillary's Italian in kind, but in an edgier, hipper, younger neighborhood. Think about it: A16 focusses on a single Italian region, but Delfina is known to incorporate cuisines from diverse Italian regions and even adds their own unique California touch to each dish. And as we all know, Obama is the candidate who transcends culinary divides. (But is he Italian enough?) Plus, on his way out of town, he'd answer Bill's barbeque photo-op with a Lower Haight stop at Memphis Minnie's.

John Edwards: The Boulevard Cafe in suburban Daly City. It's always busy, it serves good, honest (if sometimes uninspired) food, and a lot of people forget it's even an option.

Rudy Giuliani: Let's give him Miller's East Coast West Delicatessen because it's the closest he'll ever get to New York on the Left Coast.

John McCain: He's a military guy and would be at home at Presidio Social Club and Top of the Mark. Right? I mean, he fought in WWII, didn't he? Failing that, I somehow think his platform might also gravitate towards Maverick.

Mitt Romney: With the hair, the suit, the smile, and the cloned kids, he's totally Cheesecake Factory material. And with such a large menu, no matter how many times he changes his mind, they'll be certain to have something for him.

Mike Huckabee: Before his salad eating days, I could see the immigrant-friendly guv hanging out at El Farolito, but since the weight-loss, he's probably looking around for healthier fare. Greens and Millennium are probably way too experimental and liberal for him, so he'd probably be holding court with a Baja Fresh veggie burrito in a strip mall somewhere.

Fred Thompson: I can't quite put my finger on it, but something about him screams somnambulistic businessmen and huge sides of beef, so I'll put him in Alfred's Steakhouse and The House of Prime Rib. He's the real sleeper candidate.

Ron Paul: As long as he puts himself as far away from City Hall as possible, he'll be good. I see Ron Paul setting up a grill and cooler in Golden Gate Park and yelling at all the kids to stay off his lawn.

Labels: clinton, edwards, election, giuliani, huckabee, mccain, obama, presidential, primary, romney, ron paul, stephanie v.w. lucianovic, thompson